purple elephant

I need to learn that not everyone is the same. I need to re-adjust myself. Almost all my life the people I’ve been with tends to want me to constantly be around them and constantly communicating with them. But its different now, the person i’m with doesn’t want that. I used to be like her, I used to hate the fact that people always needed to know where I am, and if its possible they want me to be there with them. And I began adapting to it, but now I have to be a different person again, I have to not constantly ask their whereabouts, I have to stop choking them with “love”. I’m learning, but its not easy, people don’t change overnight. So I guess I have to try my best to do that. I have to be distant, I have to give them space. I have to do my own things, rather than constantly cater to them. So i’m gonna try getting there in one piece.

Its not easy but the only thing i can do is face it and keep going. I know when my other half is reading this, she’s gonna be worried and thinking all sorts of things. Its not easy for me to be settled and contented, but i am. I just feel like i haven’t reached my full potential. Where did it go wrong? I had everything in the palms of my hands, but it didn’t go the way i had hoped, not yet. The journey is still long and ongoing, but life is too short to make so many mistakes. I didn’t think any of my past romance experiences were mistakes, not any of them. I chose to be with them and even if they were just scandals, i loved every moment of it. It made me feel alive, it didn’t matter whether or not they scarred me for life or made me smile. What i did regret was hurting people i loved, whether or not they became my ex…

My partner asked if i loved any of my exs… and i thought it was strange to ask that. Of course i did, and now i care for them. I dun think anyone would go out with and become someone’s girl without loving the other half.

Then realise because of the love i had for them, i didn’t love myself enough to know what’s good for me. I chose love over career, i chose love over my own dream, and to tell u the truth, i dun think i know what my dream is anymore. Its sad when i think about that. I dun have a dream, maybe i did before, its just that now it seems like i don’t. I’m becoming someone normal, and boring. I dun think i like that, but i dunno where to begin living again…

so my best reaction is to whine over everything… over people… people i went to school with, people i used to help out in college and people i helped while i was working, and be so ungrateful for what i have instead… i shud be glad i’m happy now.. i should…