3 a.m.
I’ve finally had the courage to start praying again. This time i hope, my "iman" is stronger than before. I’m contented with how things are in my life, but i know some part of me will go on missing forever. Like these fingers of mine. The rings are gone. The one that i’ve had all my life is gone while the other one that abah gave me for Valentine’s Day went missing in Seremban when i gave someone a particular massage (Sharifah Sofiah!!! mana ko letak cincin aku wey!!!)
I woke up today at 3 am thinking of someone and it made me unhappy. It’s a new year, quit thinking oredi. I need to breathe again. It’s hard as it is to live with someone clueless of things that i am feeling. I miss Abah. I miss him so much, eventhough i just met him 2 days ago. I miss talking to him, i’ve realised that i miss him more now that i’m away and spent a week at home last week. Maybe this is why i’ve not attached myself with anyone enotionally, i can’t deal with the heartbreak of losing someone.
I woke up at 3am, and prayed. Didn’t know what i should be praying for but i knew i needed peace before i would explode. So i ended up solat istikharah, and my doubt was whether or not i should be doing what i’m doing. And i have no idea what i’m doing. HAHAHAHAHA…
I need to get out of this circle, its making me feel trapped, and suddenly i have no control of my life. I dun want any control. but i want to know where i’m heading, right now the only path i see is to the kitchen. I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing, aside from sleeping. Is she truly happy? Are you? Are u better without me or are u better when i am around? Am i significant to your life? Was i ever?
It’s 4:08 and all i can think of is her. I miss u. I miss talking to u the most, and i miss how u used to need me so much that u cudn’t let me go. But now i know its so easy to let go and ignore this feeling completely. I’m the only one feeling it. It’s sad really. I’m praying that one day i’d forget so that it wudn’t hurt so much.
Forgive me. I’m beginning to hate DiGi, no offense, its just personal. You’re everywhere!! You and your fat ass bald head, yellow man. I admit you’re cute but do u have to take over everything? I used to be a member of DiGi, but i made sacrifices. I even remember my old number 0163415968… i was with you for 5 years!! I was loyal then, but u didn’t become such a big deal until now.. I hate u DiGi.. u’re everywhere!!!
