i know its not the best time to write this, but just hear me out..
i’m coping, its not easy, its so hard that all i wanna do is run to you… but i can’t, i have to prove that i’m worthy of your love and affection… i have to pull my act together, i have to be on my own and stand on my own two feet… i have to focus on myself first before letting anyone divert it, because i understand now.. in the end there’s only me, and no one else… i need to fix me and no one else can except for me… they will help, but i have to set my heart straight.. i KNOW what i want and i have to prove it that it is what i want and whom i want to be with for the rest of my life… and when that happens, if it happens, i will be the happiest person and i will cherish my other half… i have to prepare myself, i have to make something out of me, to be the perfect half, to be what i need me to be and what i want me to be and in return it will be what my other half needs and want.. that way, when we are apart.. we are perfect halves and when we are together we complete each other…
i’m currently staying at Duta Ria with tazy, and after tazy leaves in 2 weeks (i wish the two of u could spend some time getting to know each other), i’m staying with Vicky and the others, i’m renting the house with them and if my plan works out i’m taking the bus to work ( mind u, i dun took the bus..) there are job offers at Vicky’s place and as an english teacher in Mont Kiara, but that’s in August, so i dun wanna think abt that til then, i need to focus what i can do now to improve myself.. i’m currently still working at Guilink and give maths tuition to kids at Duta Ria at night (keeping myself as busy as i could, Tazy made sure of that)
Graduating is coming up in August 12 and i have to face my parents, i want my parents to be there, they worked hard for me to get where i am regardless the fact of what they did to me, the love i have for them will never fade…
i’m not gonna talk about us, it is something i understand that it is not what should be talked about rite now or even ever, but i’m going to tell you how i’m doing, as an aquaintance… no more lies, no more hurting.. just facts about me… it is up to u to read, but i know when the time is right and when u’re ready, you will and i’ll be here.. i will be here..
You made a huge impact in my life, you made me realise being happy is not by holding on to something or someone that stopped making you happy, but by letting go and most of all you let me be myself, being happy by being myself and not wanting me to change at all (except for the swearing–but it means well). I thank you for giving me time to reflect and time to be on my own.. but it hurts not able to hear your voice to see your smile and most of all, to touch and be with you…
